Living with Bipolar Disorder

Hi Everyone

This is the first time I have ever started a blog, so here goes. I decided I wanted to start with an essay one of my clients wrote. I thought she did a fantastic job of explaining how she sees herself living with bipolar disorder. Here it is:

 

The Little Engine That Could

Progress, the onward movement I aim so willing to achieve. It is the little things in life that matter. If only I would let myself notice the accomplishments I’ve already made, and continue to make daily. My mind does not allow me to see the bright side or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I see black. I see white. No grey, only extremes. I was in awe of the typical neurotypicals. I envied the way they were able to sleep without racing thoughts, or how they don’t have to take medication that will help you keep a balanced mood. Some things I will never see the same as others. To live with a chronic illness means to learn your technique and strategies on how to overcome your brain trying to damage your thoughts. You must study your illness(s), the cognitive distortion, research is key in mastering the control of your mind.

Dangerously extreme change in mood, episodes, as they say. Bipolar disorder is one of the many things I am willing to overcome in my life. I also live with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Right along with bipolar disorder it is a lifelong chronic illness. Have you ever felt everything at once, or think yourself into a panic attack over a situation that is six months from then. These symptoms aren’t something that only happens once in a while. These are frequent feelings that I face everyday. It takes some time to get things under control, sometimes even years. I’ve dealt with years worth of therapy and finding the right medication. My first therapist only lasted about two sessions until I realized that we weren’t the right fit. My second one only lasted once. It took my third try to actually find a therapist that I could trust and felt as though the advice being given was out of genuine care for my health. It also helped that I had a very loving and caring support system by my side. Some days were tougher than others, but knowing that there were people who loved and cared about me helped push me to want to be the best version of myself. I thank them for that.

Five years ago I did not believe that I would be where I am today. Now I Have completed two semesters at college, worked several jobs, and I’ve also been able to release my inner creativity. I now do photography and paint. Every week I am watching some sort of video on how I can improve my painting and photography skills. Learning and continuing to learn how to master my emotions is still tough til this day, but now I can see the world in a not so bleak view and allow myself the chance of happiness. Most people with disorders similar to me either will not  attempt to seek help or give up because it’s so exhausting at times. But I am proud to say that I have overcome my disorders. I have allowed myself to change. These disorders do not define me and I will not let them take over my life, I am in control.

 

Please let me know what you think.

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